Single Parenting Can Be Lonely

I've been through a deployment once before, but at the start of that time period, I was a brand new mom.  Every day was a new adventure as I watched my newborn turn into a rolling, crawling and walking toddler.  There were small bouts of loneliness, but I had moved back to live in the town I grew up in, so I was a few miles from my family, and went out with other mom's and their children weekly.

I'm not saying that watching my child grow through this deployment is any less of a joy.  I love my daughter dearly, and she is a joy (most days :P) to be around!  But I will say that the growth isn't nearly as significant and mind blowingly fast as her first year of life.  Along with that, I'm in a strange city where my closest family is a 17 hour drive away, and I have very few friends.  Of the friends I do have, none of them are in the same spot in life that I am.  Their children are older, they're more independent, outgoing, or they don't have children at all, so I always feel the slightest bit awkward because Megan goes everywhere with me.

But I am lonely.  I miss my husband (though his companionship can be much the same as our child's some nights :P), and I miss having an adult conversation every night.  The worst thing about surviving through a deployment for me is the lack of conversation.  Luckily I do have the internet, and friends I talk to daily on there, but it's still not quite the same as sitting down with a glass of wine and chatting with a good friend, my husband, or my family.

It's okay to feel this way!  Single parenting (because you ARE single parenting while your spouse is deployed) is difficult.  If you're away from family you have no one to fall back on for a much needed break and stress relief.  That in and of itself can be lonely.  Take up a new hobby, go visit family, learn where things are in your city to try and find a safe haven for you to visit to get out of your house.  Getting out of the house is important.  I find that I go to the store a lot more than I need to because I crave adult interaction, and it makes my child happy because she gets stimulated by something other than our own house.  Take walks around the neighborhood!  Grill outdoors.  Change your scenery, stimulate yourself.  It will help ease the loneliness.  I promise. :)

When all else fails, take a trip to visit some close family or friends.  Get away for awhile, take a break.

Note to Self

When your child is running a temperature of 102.8, try not to panic.  Be calm, give motrin/tylenol on a rotating schedule to help bring the fever down, and monitor for more serious symptoms.

Easier said than done when it's your own child though.  Princess is currently sound asleep on my lap, in a Motrin induced slumber, with a fever that has gradually increased through the evening.  I'm fairly certain it's just a teething fever, as she's not showing any other symptoms of sickness (cough, sneezing, wheezing), and other than being slightly cranky, has been very playful.

It's never easy to have a sick child, and when you're the only one carrying the burden, it can become a very heavy load extremely quickly.  Unless it's a serious illness, I try not to worry my husband over it, as he has a lot on his own plate over in the sandbox.  Good news is great to share, it's a morale booster and spirit lifter, and keeps him thinking of home in a positive light so that we aren't another burden for him to worry over while he needs to be focusing on the danger in front of him.

So, chin up, back straight, I can be a single Mom, and Princess' superhero, and I can hold out for the next year on my own.  We've done it once before, and we can surely do it again, 102.8 fever to boot.

Mama Circus Act

It's amazing the things you find yourself capable of when you don't have anyone but yourself to help you.  Before children, if someone told you that you would be able to balance a child, a purse, a drink, a stuffed animal AND a huge bag of take out food all while walking across the parking lot, getting the car door open, and setting everything inside without dropping anything, you would have likely laughed in their face.

Yet, here I am, Princess on my hip, trying to keep hold of the string to her balloon so it won't fly away (as that would be a catastrophe), holding a bag of takeout food from Red Robin, a purple stuffed tiger, a drink for me, a drink for the Princess, my purse, and a cell phone.  Of course, the restaurant was completely packed so we had to park across the street, which I then had to navigate back across to get this huge load into the car while mentally crossing my fingers that the food won't fall.  Of course, through this whole trip, the Princess can't just hold on and sit still.  Oh no, not this little two year old.  She has to swivel every which way to see all the cars, the birds, you name it!

If someone were to ask me what the biggest help to a single mom could be?  I think I would honestly have to say, an extra pair of hands.  You realize once your partner ships out for a year worth of deployment just how much help they provide, even if it's only a pair of eyes and a ten minute distraction so that you can whirlwind through the kitchen and pick up all the dishes that have accumulated through the day, or to keep an eye on the little one so you can go pick up that food without involving the juggling act.

Motherhood truly is a Circus.