Single Parenting Can Be Lonely

I've been through a deployment once before, but at the start of that time period, I was a brand new mom.  Every day was a new adventure as I watched my newborn turn into a rolling, crawling and walking toddler.  There were small bouts of loneliness, but I had moved back to live in the town I grew up in, so I was a few miles from my family, and went out with other mom's and their children weekly.

I'm not saying that watching my child grow through this deployment is any less of a joy.  I love my daughter dearly, and she is a joy (most days :P) to be around!  But I will say that the growth isn't nearly as significant and mind blowingly fast as her first year of life.  Along with that, I'm in a strange city where my closest family is a 17 hour drive away, and I have very few friends.  Of the friends I do have, none of them are in the same spot in life that I am.  Their children are older, they're more independent, outgoing, or they don't have children at all, so I always feel the slightest bit awkward because Megan goes everywhere with me.

But I am lonely.  I miss my husband (though his companionship can be much the same as our child's some nights :P), and I miss having an adult conversation every night.  The worst thing about surviving through a deployment for me is the lack of conversation.  Luckily I do have the internet, and friends I talk to daily on there, but it's still not quite the same as sitting down with a glass of wine and chatting with a good friend, my husband, or my family.

It's okay to feel this way!  Single parenting (because you ARE single parenting while your spouse is deployed) is difficult.  If you're away from family you have no one to fall back on for a much needed break and stress relief.  That in and of itself can be lonely.  Take up a new hobby, go visit family, learn where things are in your city to try and find a safe haven for you to visit to get out of your house.  Getting out of the house is important.  I find that I go to the store a lot more than I need to because I crave adult interaction, and it makes my child happy because she gets stimulated by something other than our own house.  Take walks around the neighborhood!  Grill outdoors.  Change your scenery, stimulate yourself.  It will help ease the loneliness.  I promise. :)

When all else fails, take a trip to visit some close family or friends.  Get away for awhile, take a break.

Letters to Megan

 To my daughter on Mother's Day 2010:

Dearest Megan,

Today is a day that I will always think of you, because you are the reason that I am a mother.  I have a few quotes that I love that I would like to share with you, because I believe them with all of my heart.  The first is, "A Mother's greatest treasure is her daughter".  You are only 2 and 1/2 years old, but for every single day that I have had you in my life, I have thought that at least once. 

Megan Ellesse, you are my pride and joy.  I would jump around with shoes on my head (which I have done!) just to erase the frown from your face.  I would give you piggy back rides for hours, galloping around the house just to hear you squeal with delight.  I never tire of reading endlessly to you from our ever growing collection of children's books.  I can only hope that one day you will have as much love for the written word as your mother and grandmother do.  Inside a book, a story comes to life that can take your imagination anywhere.  And baby girl, you deserve to see new worlds, endless stories, and a doorway that opens to anywhere you want to go.

Mother's Day is not a day of gifts and lavish praises.  It is a day of love between a child and mother.  A celebration of the bond that we have, the joy we share in one another's company, and the endless love that will never fade.  Not a day goes by, my beautiful baby girl, that I don't thank the world for choosing me to be your mother.  I could not ask for a more special and unique daughter to share my advice, stories, and love with.

It is because of you that I am a mother, for the moment I saw your face, I realized a love that is more powerful than anything else that exists in this world.  The love of a mother for her child.
 

"When the sun is born, so is the day.
When the night is born, so are a thousand stars...
and a wish that has just come true.
When you were born, so was I."